i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
