Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
