im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize