Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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