he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
