My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
