Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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