Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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