You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
