I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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