Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
