She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
