2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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