this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize