Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
