I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
