onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
