just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
