Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize