it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize