just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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