On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
