I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
