she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
