life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
