I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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