I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
