How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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