Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize