Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
