If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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