He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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