Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
