There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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