i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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