On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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