So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
