I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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