Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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