I need to stop coming to work sober
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
