All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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