"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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