you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
