So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
