Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
