dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
