I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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