I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
