somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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