well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
