He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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