Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize