i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
