what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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