We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
