My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
