u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
