highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
