My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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