its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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