my being single is dangerous.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
