And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
