Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
