try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
