paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worst night to have a conscience
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
