I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
