Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
