i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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