she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
