Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
