i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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