i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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