Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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