You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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