I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
