fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
