After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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