I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize